temptations &trials.
sometimes, i find myself becoming confused & it takes me awhile to realize whats going on. God is not a confusing God. i realized all that makes me unsure, all that puts worry in my heart is nothing more but a distraction to lure me away from that close relationship i have with Him. its so easy for my heart, just as well as anyones, to become deceived. i know how vulnerable my heart is capabale of being and to what extent it may act upon. within that short period of time where my heart begins its 90 degree turn away from Him slowly making it around a 180, God delivers me away quickly through it all, away from temptation, away from worry, away from doubt and further confusion that can corrupt my mind.

Jeremiah 17:9 says,
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

before i felt this extreme love for Him i had no control of myself. endless thoughts of negativity, anger, hatred, pain and worry would surround me. it was too far out of my reach and too fast for me to keep up with. i no longer had authority over myself, my self conscious was not good enough, my instincts led me to the wrong direction, i leaned on my own understanding. i acted as i was my own island. it never works. at times i do feel afraid when the world begins to dig deep into my heart trying to suck me back into sin. God never fails me. I trust Him so much. God reminds me that he there all the time. He reminds me that he will deliver me from evil, he reminds me that he has unconditional love for me.

only He knows how many times ive cried on my knees, how many times ive cried at night. I never use to understand how some people would say, God spoke to me last night or God is talking to you or God will tell you. He works miracles, he broke me down gradually. i couldnt take life anymore, i gave up and i surrendered to him. it was not until i opened my heart to him that i finally understood it. i remember crying out to Him, God im tired, take me away and these words came to me in a heart beat, Cast your burden upon me and i will give you rest. i hear Him talk to me everyday now. I run to Him in the middle of the night to thank him for everything. i run to Him when im sad. He never leaves my side, He always puts me to sleep when He knows my heart is throbbing and takes the pain away because when i wake up every morning i cant help but smile. When im driving around i catch myself wanting to scream out to the world how good it feels to fall in love with God but no words seem to express these emotions. all i want to do is have more of him. only His Word fills me up. He completes me.

there is a time for everything in life (ecclesiastes 3:1--one of my favorite verses).