i hate doing homework when i have SO MUCH TO DO! school is so overwhelming, its practically my life right now. ugh. every time i go to class my teacher always says to me, 'i dont know how you do it.' i answer, 'i dont know how i do it either.' ha. i really don't.

life, OMFG. Jesse and i are going to be soooo busy this summer. we have the baby coming, hes going to start school again soon, etc etc... he might leave after i give birth as well. we're such oldies.



im so glad that spring break is coming.

1. God
2. All my children
3. LOML, JHendrickson
4. Me
5. School
im not sure where i go.

we're moving out next week, im pretty psyched about that.
thank goodness spring break is coming!
one more month left for school!
about3 months until BABY COMES!
im going to be one busy mama !
no time for BSing!
oy. oy. oy.

I AM 26 WEEKS PREGNANT...

IN JUST 1 WEEK ILL BE 27 WEEKS AND THE BABYS HEAD WILL BE DOWN....AWESOMMEEEE!

we've been a little skeptical about the babys name. we came up with every name anyone can think of! i have a feeling we're going to stick with the name Kadence. maybe Kaden Jessille. i wanted something with 'JESS' in it. i believe his brother and dad or granfather's(?) name is Jess.

so, im not so far away from giving birth. im debating whether or not i should take fall semester off from the design institute and take less stressing classes at city instead. i think its better for all of us. the baby is only going to be three months, and i think i need more than three more month to recover and adjust with THREE RASCALS!

im so pooped.

sometimes i just hate life.
&today is one of those days.
im everything but happy.
i want to scream.
i want to yell.
im so frustrated...
sometimes i just want to pull my hair out until i have none.
i have too much of it anyways.
some days i feel like a failure.
& today is one of those days.

life's purpose
there are times in my life where i know what i am doing, where i am going and why. sometimes, i can last quite awhile on this road. no worries, no hesitations, nothing in front of me that stops me, except, when i keep going with no doubt in my mind, i begin to think further into thought about life's purpose. i begin to lose life's purpose, its meaning and everything it offers. the more i grasp, the more i get confused. the more i try to seek answers, the more hazy everything becomes. as overused as this phrase may seem i must use it because truth is, i get lost.

i think about money and i believe that's the main reason for me to lose my sight. i wonder why money is the basis of it all. the more i think of it, the more i become naive & the more childish my questions become. 'why cant the government just print more money?' yes, this is a question that can be easily answered. of course, the answer was something economical. but, why is it so hard for me to understand? i don't mean 'understand' in a way where i lack intelligence in the government/economical world, but simply just, why is it so hard for me to understand why money is such a big deal. its paper, its ink, it can be printed. so what's the deal? i did not take into consideration the credit cards, houses, etc..., but regardless, i still don't understand. my childish inner being speaks out. i say, share. why cant we just share. i did not realize how stupid i sounded until i repeated the word share, & it was not until then that i realized combining the two words, 'share' & 'government' was bologna. since when do we share? we spend our whole life trying to learn how to share but its never perfected.

i will never find life's purpose if i am easily distracted. let me rephrase myself, i will never keep life's purpose if i am easily distracted. a speck on a clean window can be just as deceiving as a diamond. real or made to appear real, maybe its just an illusion, a distraction. as much as that analogy may not make sense, neither does everything else.

ugh. my nights are always the same. i get my hw done, i take a bite to eat, jesse is asleep, the kids are not here, im currently 24weeks pregnant, tv is on and im not even watching. what a bore! wah wah wah... i guess ill sleep now.

its march 2nd...
i have high hopes to be skinney once again,

but,
my milk expires tomorrow.

"ISTJs are often called inspectors. They have a keen sense of right and wrong, especially in their area of interest and/or responsibility. They are noted for devotion to duty. Punctuality is a watchword of the ISTJ. The secretary, clerk, or business(wo)man by whom others set their clocks is likely to be an ISTJ."
"ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings."


my belly is getting big! its hard for me to pick things up from the ground. i cant even sit normally. ugh. 3 more months!